I can’t believe that I am finished with my fourth round. Only one more round (two sessions) left. One month is nothing but feels like forever. When I visualize the road, it gets more narrow, like I am Alice looking through the looking glass. There is no way I can fit and yet, the chemo happens and another one is behind me.

This chemo was not as bad as last time. I was in a better head space since I had such a great week. I had my paisley pants and striped socks. Nicolas walked Mom and I out to our ride with Julia that morning. Poor guy still gets shocked by my eccentricities, like mismatched clothes. But, bless him, he shakes his head and he goes with the flow. Julia is another English teacher at my school. It was her first time in chemo with me, which made Mom excited. New stories to hear while I slept. I don’t even know why we bring the chemo bag of entertainment anymore. I pretty much sleep through most of the treatment now. I think the heaviness of everything is just too much to handle, so I let the loopy drugs take me into sleepy land. The only problem is now, when I wake up, everything seems off – my taste buds, my breathing, my head. I don’t experience the side effects gradually. Instead I wake up to all of them.

Mom and Julia had a great conversation. I slept right through all of it. I woke up to a lunch that I ordered and didn’t want. It all tasted so weird to me. Even the ice cream was just ok.

And if I am being totally honest, I didn’t really feel like eating because the drugs were done and I just wanted to get home. The less time I have to spend in a hospital bed, the happier I am.  Julia dropped us off. We were so appreciative for her company, especially Mom since I was a little out of it.

When I got home, I spent a few hours on the couch. Then I asked for some pasta. Not sure why, but pasta sounded good to me. The red sauce was a bit too much for my taste buds, but the pasta was good. I didn’t make it much longer after that. I crashed hard around 7:30 and slept for about 15 hours. That seems to be the new normal – sleep, sleep, sleep.

This was my “Mom, no more photos” protest.